blog?
Time
2025-03-23 | 9:13 AM
Time is something I have a real problem with. I really like control, anything I can't control gives me severe anxiety. Like being in a car in the passengers side or rollercoasters, I can't stand them. Time is one of those things but... it's different in a way. It's one of those things I can't really control but it's happening all the time so I can't possibly be anxious about it (otherwise my life would be a living hell). I find it escapes me easily, I spend my time doing things that don't usually matter. Scrolling, playing brainrot games, watching videos. I wake up at 8:30 then suddenly I look at the clock and it's 4 PM and I think, "where did the time go?". Even the months go by in a blink... It's already almost the end of March. When I was younger, an hour felt like an eternity, now? It is like a minute. Nothing but a blip in my existence. Weird to think about. Also being in a long term and long distance relationship I can't help but think how much better I'd feel about it all if he was here with me. All of this time I'm wasting without him, it frustrates me. I just want to live with him already but of course, everything boils down to money. The devil.
ownership
2025-03-08 | 12:25 PM
I don't understand some things sometimes. I keep seeing websites with "rules" about taking what they post and I think that is kind of...silly? All code is stolen, of course it is awesome if people credit you but you cannot control what people do with what you post on the internet. I don't know... it probably sounds controversial to some people but it's just the truth. I know when I post my art someone can take it from my site, which is why I'm going to put some sort of watermark on everything before I upload it if I want to be credited for it. When I see people posting rules about taking gifs or stamps off their site I can't help but laugh because, who is going to listen? The internet is a somewhat anonymous place for the most part, unless you get unlucky and someone really wants to find out who you are and where you live. I don't really have anything else to say about it, that's all.
pills and insomnia
2025-03-05 | 8:35 AM
so much is happening in my body I feel like im going to fucking explode. i hate being on hormone pills. I wish I was back in my physical body from 3 years ago where I had no periods whatsoever. Yeah it's not normal but atleast I wasn't suffering. I had period pain before but it was never ever like this. This pain is crippling. Literally. I cannot move because of how bad this pain is. It's the stupid fucking pills fault. I can't get off it for a few reasons, some probably obvious but it's like theyre turning me into a different person- or turned me into another person. I'm bitchier, more erratic, my emotions are no longer mine. I feel like a flesh puppet being controlled by a poltergeist. I couldn't sleep at all last night. I kept crying on and off all throughout the night, trying to watch reels to distract myself, but I cried over those too. I went to the bathroom and cried when I looked in the mirror because I don't know who I am anymore. The funny thing, it really is funny, is that I had the most amazing night yesterday. I went to a musical with my brother and it was fabulous and I was motivated to do things today. I just could not. fucking. sleep.